Oh fuck, I have so many bills to pay. I wish I didn't have to worry about bills. Anyway.

I just saw the Rihanna-Eminem video - the one with Meghan Fox. It's a little bit of a turn on, I am very disappointed to say. What is it about abusive relationships that get you so, I don't know, charged? What is it? Not enough drama in our regular lives? Make up sex? Raw, honest brutality? What? Why is Street Car so hot? Why is Stanley, who in all honesty, is an absolute prick, so fucking attractive? I hate that we have turned out be such weak, insecure, women characters with such low self esteem, low self worth.

I wish when I looked into the mirror, I didn't feel so disgusted by what I saw every time. I wish I could embrace myself with all my flaws, with all my physical anomalies and be content. Why don't you join a gym, do yoga, eat right - they ask. I don't know - maybe like all lazy human beings, I'm waiting for a miracle to happen. Maybe one morning I just wake up, free of cellulite and unwanted body hair and a feeling of complete fuckallness. Laziness, I read somewhere, is a disease. Do we get drugs for it? Miracle drugs?

Sigh. Anyway. I need a miracle worker right now to sort out my bills. This kind of responsibility fucking sucks.