Kid

I found an old diary - 2005ish. Not much has changed, I can see. Some of the things seemed silly and childish - like the poetry for instance - and the ramblings about my dream lover, when half the world I knew were banging their real lovers in their garage or attic or whatever. But yeah, the apprehensions about growing old and lonely, sick and spiritless, all of that is still thick in my brains. I have mellowed with regard to my parents. I don't get mad at them as easily. I get them.

It's weird. I always thought 2005 was one of the best years in my life. But when I was reading this silly old diary, I had such anger jumping out of the pages, I could barely believe it. I kept thinking, you stupid kid, it's okay, these are such little things. But I'll give that kid her knack for intuition. She had predicted something like this happening to me. Whatever it is that is happening to me. I should write carefully.

I should go back to Bombay. I'm scared of going back to something I cannot control, but I should go back anyway. I'm still fucking paying rent.

You know what? I'm quite okay. I may not be the peachiest of plum, but I'm okay. Like Peppermint Patty said one day after looking at the mirror - "Not so bad". Then she walks out with Marcie and says "You know Marcie, that's always been my ambition...to be not so bad after all". So if 30 year old me reads this - kid, you're not so bad after all.