Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Sip Carefully

Obviously, I'm over-doing it - this Calcutta thing - this not working thing. To be fair (to me that is), I have (am) working on a film here - something to do with smoking awareness. And yes, all this smoking business has made me give up my pledge to quit. Yeah, I have absolutely no staying power - literally and figuratively. I can almost see the solemn eyes of my well-wishers going - told you so - and maybe a little tut tut.

So yeah. That's that. So far, I've enjoyed my new year thoroughly - mostly re-discovering Calcutta, working for myself, eating a lot and listening to and watching things I like. I've been supremely selfish and sometimes not very cool, but I think I should stop feeling bad about all that. I spent all of last year feeling used and spent - and not in a good way. I don't want that anymore. I don't want to be lonely and brooding and fake smiling. I can feel this happy juice slowly recede. And I realise it during moments of absolute bliss. What a typical, cheesy urban nutjob I am. Anyway, I'm going to make it last while it does.

I do know, more often than not, happiness is kind of isolating. Most of the time, you are happy just on your own, sticking out like a sore thumb - sounding too loud, too shiny. I've been the other guy too long to know this. But I like this cake. Let me eat it for now. We'll have plenty of time to be sad together, okay?